Closing up ~ always bittersweet.

 

One more time we drove out to the place where memories have been made over the years

Many many memories since Dad K helped Alvin build this place we call our summer cottage.  The place that love built on Hampton Haven.  

Memories, so many

Some of them I wont lie, 

Some memories have been very hard

And seem to be tied up in a bundle that is stored away in my heart.

I know they are there

I know the pain that was contained within those memories

I know the faithfulness of God through those times

Memories like that will never leave this heart of mine.

But this weekend as we drove up and parked, knowing this was the last weekend of the season

I knew more memories had been stored away in my heart

Which makes closing up easier to do.

The colors of the leaves on the trees were brilliant on the dreariness of the days

Yellow leaves popped with color up against the darkest tones of the evergreens

And in between were some interspersed pockets of orange and red and rust

As if the Creator had taken a brush and painted the strokes of brilliant colors

This is fall

And the weather was rainy, with some sunshine

And wind that would have taken Dorothy and Toto to Kansas!

The lake always takes on a look that is more repelling than appealing

And the sounds of kids playing and motorboats racing across the water are also sounds that are now non existent in this dreary fall day

The cottage amidst the trees is waiting to welcome us

The sound of the pellets is a welcome sound

The floor is cold and I wonder why we didn’t make it more insulated

But soon the warmth has chased away the cold and we are able to take off sweaters

While we enjoy a nice hot coffee

It is so quiet here

As if everyone has gone somewhere else for this last weekend of R&R

Before the wind blows all the leaves off the trees and the clouds drop the first flakes of snow

But this weekend we don’t want to think about that

Instead about our kids coming, and the sound of the grandkids laughter and talking,

And the smell of turkey and ham cooking

And the feeling of abounding gratitude on this thanksgiving weekend

Where this momma and granny’s heart is full as I have my tribe around me

Poppa and I soaking in the last conversations and laughter and antics in this place until May

It is a hard thing to see summer come to a close, and autumn running right behind it

Although sometimes the appearance of autumn feels more like the days of pre winter

And one doesn’t know whether to wear shorts or long pants,

Ball caps or woollen toques

And we know that we should take an inventory of the things in our closet

BEFORE the morning that we need it

But somehow it doesn’t seem to be necessary today.

The closing of the cabin

Taking home all the groceries that were brought out but not used

And a reminder of the things to bring next May

(We have to remember the oven cleaner!!)

Winterizing takes some time

To blow out lines and put antifreeze into things that need to be kept from freezing

But my good man will do that this week, as the power was out for our last night/day at the cottage

A good excuse to do it later when Hydro has come through with restoration of power

(Mental note as I write we are 18 hours post outage and still waiting to hear it is on - but it doesn’t really affect us any tonight)

We started a tradition, encouraged by my daughter (in law) Leah who used to do something like this when she was young.

We write in a notebook, each child telling her what to write, looking forward to the year ahead until we are back and into summer.

But before she writes, she reads what was written this time last year,  and there is some nodding of heads, some laughing, and maybe some looks of deep thought.

It is a measurement of time.

This has been a good year. 

A combination of cottage and camp

Of laughter

And resting

Of working and playing

It has been many suppers together, and some good cottage breakfasts 

We have talked, laughed, debated, and prayed.

Oh, and Poppa has measured the kids at the beginning of summer and toward the end

The pole in our living room is another way of measuring time.

It is the way it goes here at 5 Hampton Haven

The opening and closing of the cottage is signalled by the turning on and turning off of the community water (which we noted must have its own power system as that did not go off with everything else this morning!)

It is the way the calendar ticks by, 

Day to day, week to week, month to month

Crossing over into a new year

And then as the snow melts and the leaves come out on the trees surrounding this cottage that love built, 

We will come back out

And no doubt we will say, it feels like we just left.  Can’t believe how time flies.

Just can’t believe it!!

Till 2026 May long, (Lord Willing)

J

Feels like deja vu ...

the picture was taken form my bedside view, through the window

"You light a lamp for me.

The LORD, my God, lights up my darkness."

                                    Psalm 18:28 NLT

The other night as I was in bed at our kids place (we were spending the weekend with our two oldest grandkids) all of a sudden it seemed like a light lit up the room.  I looked, and took a picture through the window of the light of the moon.  The clouds were moving past it, and sometimes it was shining so brightly into the room.  

It was a beautiful reminder of the LORD's provision for us, to shine light as we need it.  HE IS LIGHT and also shines light upon our path.   There is no darkness when we are with the LORD.

Sometimes we go through life feeling like we have walked a certain moment before - you know a deja vu moment? 

Well, it seems I have walked a similar October before.  It was in 2009.  I finished pastoring mid September, working my last event, and then coming in, and closing my office, leaving my church key behind.  Today I was reading over the blog posts about the story of ministry, and in October 2009, we put our house up for sale.  There is more to the post about that, but somehow it just feels as if we have been here before - and we have.  

In October of 2009, we had put our house up for sale in Anola. Here is what I wrote on a blog post from the ministry blog: 

October 1st we put our home/land in Anola, Manitoba, up for sale.  We were thinking that perhaps we were already getting into a bad time of year for home sales, but we are trusting God on it all.

At the same time, October 9th to the 16th, I flew to Colorado Springs, Colorado to take a week of intensive teaching/interaction under the direction of Dr. Larry Crabb (New Way Ministries).  ...

However when I returned home, and found out that our house had not been shown yet ~ I felt somewhat discouraged.  It just seemed that we were hearing God on what we needed to do, and now we were ready to sell ~ ready to move ~ and no one was interested.  I will be honest, I struggled with the “non-sale” of our home.  I walked, and walked… I talked with the Lord, I wept, I prayed some more...

Right around this time, my daughter-in-law Leah said to me ~ that it seemed that God moved, and we followed.  Then he moved some more, and we followed some more.  And then God told us to jump, and we did, and now it seemed like we were in this big long free-fall.  That is really how I feel ~ but that being said, I know that I am not going to hit the ground and be splattered all over the ground.  I know that God has his hands on us ... and while we do not understand his time line ~ we know that HE DOES have a timeline ... 

So here we are, October 2025 - 16 years later.  How time flies!  And we are once again finished with something (once again it is ministry related.  In Sept 2009 I finished the official pastoral role, and in Sept 2025 I followed God on his directions, and finished up ministry with The Well.   Is the timing too similar?  Seems like that hey?  

We have no clue about the timing.  But we do have a clue about following God on the directions he has given to us.  We are sure about that.  

On the eve of 2025 as our family met and talked, we knew God was saying we were done.  9 months later, we are finished, but we still have the house for sale.  Only God knows who will buy it, and he also knows the timing of it.  (If it was up to me, I would say, seems the timing should be now, but only God knows) 9 months ... we are in this "thresh-hold" between what was and what will be.  We are already to give birth to what's ahead.

We are not in a panic.  We own the home and can stay without any issue!  It just is too big for us AND we knew ahead of building that at such time as we were done, we would not need this big house.

I think the words that Leah said in 2009 still apply to today.  I really love reading back to those times, and seeing God in our lives THEN and again NOW.  Our God is a God of adventure when we are willing to follow.  

So - where are things at?  I know that some of you are wondering AND you ask.  Others wonder and do not ask.  I will just say this:  Our house has been shown quite a few times.  Some have been interested in retreat ministry, but the timing has not been right.  Some have prayed about possibilities.  

At this time we have no house in mind.  Sometimes I look at the listings just to see what is out there.  We also believe that at such a time as our house sells - then God will provide the next place.  Today Alvin said, "we are going to be a bit more choosy on what we pick, and not buying something that we will do this or that to and try to have it suit us.  

Let's face it, we are 67 and we want this to be the last home that we purchase and we want a place God provides for us at that time.

BUT RIGHT NOW ... we continue to rest in the promise that God is with us, and for us and He is sovereign.  We trust that.  Today and yesterday I have struggled with a bit of anxiety, but it has passed. And tomorrow is a new day.  God you know the buyer of our house.  You know the house we will purchase.  You know all about our next steps even if we don't.  Help me to keep my hands up, and open and my heart soft for you, and ears to hear.  AND help me to keep our motto front and foremost even when we  I am anxious.   "Surrender all and Trust God Fully"

Have I told you lately , just how much I love you LORD?

Because I sure do!

with love (and hope that this post made sense)

J - 

Coffee Shop Thoughts

It’s been a while since I have sat to gather my thoughts

And here I am, hearing the sound of grinding beans, people talking, and dishes clinking

It is here that I reach into the depths of my soul, to pull out the things that are swirling around my thoughts

Much like the spinning wifi signal

It has been a while since I have had the time to sit

With no one to talk to

Surrounded by people yet in my own little world

Sipping a good cup of coffee with cream

Killing time before an appointment

In an area of town that may be referred to as “granola”

And I love it.

I feel at home.

I feel…. Like I belong

Strange

It has been a while since I have dipped into the reservoir  and pulled out memories from the last three weeks

Journal has been untouched

No pen strokes

No memories written

Until now.

How do I take so much and try to distill it to words on a page

Somehow the task seems so simple yet so complex

Which thought takes precedence

Which thoughts should not be written

Which thoughts need to be seen, heard and maybe even discerned

It is hear I sit

Sipping that good cup of coffee

And almost afraid to begin the task of going in and down

In case I find something that does not make sense

Or something that has been tucked away for even longer than the three weeks of no journalling

I've been talking to my Father today

Not my earthly one, since he is in heaven

But the ONE who knew me as I was conceived in my mother's womb

That is the one I have been talking to

But I am keenly aware, my body keeps track of missing my earthly dad

This time of year I miss him so much.

As the geese fly I think of my dad 

As the leaves fall, there is a melancholy that seems to wash over me

It has been almost 28 years since we laid his body to rest

And said, "Till heaven Dad ...  I love you"

The sun is shining on this beautiful end of September day

Oh how I wish we have more of this weather

Where I can continue to go outside with bare arms and bare feet

Even though we are technically into fall as per the calendar

It feels like these are the last weeks of summer

Until summer gives its last hurrah and falls into the arms of winter.

I love this time of year with its honking geese and changing leaves

We get into the convertible and ride, pink cap holding my hair into place so it doesn’t get messy

We ride and taking in the beauty of this season

Watching the pelicans in their beautiful gliding in the sunshine

At times they seem like silver wings

They will fly longer and then just like that disappear to the north

Until the spring winds bring them back home to their mating grounds of Lockport

I love watching them seemingly carefree in their flight

I love the smell of burning stubble or campfires

It takes me back to the fall I went into grade 4 when we lived in our cottage and drove to Beausejour for school every day

The cottage ... frosty floors when my feet hit them in the morning

And the outhouse and running over to my aunts for a bath!

This time of year is full of beauty that can change to the dreary greyness in what feels like mere moments

When the wind comes in and blows the leaves in every direction

Eventually all falling to the ground piling onto of each other in a leaf lasagna 

And begin to decompose and bring the earthy scent to my nostrils

And right about then, comes the crisp winds of late fall melding into the early beginning of winter

I do not look forward to that bleak greyness

And yet I know that as quick as it will come, 

We will hunker down with our down quilts, wool mittens and puffy jackets

Knowing that even winter brings some blessing to it

A type of stillness covers us

Nature sleeps

And our life falls into a slower pace it seems

(except for hockey lol)

If we are open and willing to receive all that the seasons have to offer.

So I sit here - knowing that today is a gift for me

And that no matter what the wind blows in, 

The arms of the Father are here for me

To protect in the strong winds

To pick up if I am blown down

To shelter me from anything that comes my way

To hold me in the strong embrace of LOVE

So I will begin to unpack those deeply tucked away thoughts

To go in and down into the depth of my soul

Because that is where the transforming growth has happened

But it seems I have been too busy to process it until now ...

So ~

As the beans are being ground, 

Dishes are clinking

Music playing and people are talking

I stop with a heart full of gratitude

For my life

For the ONE - Jesus,  who loves me with an everlasting love

For the gift of my husband, kids and grandkids

For all that I have, and all that I have surrendered to God

And this beautiful day to process some of life lately 

As I sip this coffee …

My heart is full

And I am just really really thankful!